8:15 am - Head down to the lobby. I think I am doing great so far, right on time.
8:30 am - We have already made our way to Lok Ma Chan (Futian Port) where we need to go through Border Patrol (Immigration) and Customs. It didn't really register with either of us that we'd have to pass through Border Patrol in Shenzhen, as well as Customs and then through Border Patrol in Hong Kong, as well as Customs in Hong Kong. Holy Hell. This is going to take a while, we think... We have no idea what's actually in store.
9:30 am - Still in the queue of the queue for China's Immigration. It is hot and humid and I'm standing in a sea of Chinese people; I'm feeling trapped and claustrophobic so I try to make my way to the very edge of this China Sea. I make friends with the little boy in front of me who keeps shaking his booty at me. I try to pinch it; he laughs. My colleague tells me I might get arrested, so I stop. LOL!10:30 am - Holy Toledo. Seriously glad I had breakfast.... I usually don't. Just made it to the actual queue for China Border patrol. This is the oddest thing I've ever participated in. Like a sack race with no sacks. They let in people in waves and as the wave in front of you moves, everyone, in a giant rush, waves forward. It's hilarious and disturbing, just a little. I start to wonder wtf we are doing this for...
11:30 am - No lie, I am trying not to panic and abandon ship. I know we are almost there. Aren't we? Holy Moly, someone kill me. This is hell. Ok, I try to remember, this is "an experience". I'm over it and just want to go back home. :)
12:30 pm - ARE YOU KIDDING ME ANOTHER FREAKING QUEUE??? I think I might hurt myself or someone if I see another line forming near me, anywhere. This is what my Chinese colleague was trying to tell me all week, this takes forever. I think my companion wants to commit suicide... He didn't have breakfast. :( This is the queue for Hong Kong and I try to smile and pinch the kids butt one more time. This time, he lets me. lol!
1:00 pm - We have finally made it into Hong Kong, passed Immigration, passed Customs and now need to pick up our train to Hong Kong, which should take about 45 minutes if we go all the way to where we are supposed to go. We abandon the plan. Screw Hong Kong. The train stops at Mong Kok, a "cheaper" version of the high class shopping we had been directed to in Hong Kong proper. Neither of us are feeling very classy, but rather hungry, fussy, exhausted and sort of losing the lust to shop till we drop. I'm think the drop part is too close at hand...
1:30 pm - Whoa. We make it to Monk Kok and it's intense. This is more shopping than anyone should be allowed to do and it's more in line with our price points and the type of goodies we want to bring home. We need food. We need to sit down. We need to think hard about our next steps. There are people everywhere; it's intense. We keep saying, "Holy Shit..." to no one in particular. Can't believe what we've just been through. We duck down some alleys, behind the shopping tents crowding the streets and see a clean Indian restaurant with open tables. Perfect. We order food, two giant beers (Tsing Tao) and settle into business.2:15 pm - Whew. Food and beer changes things. We both feel better. My friend has stopped cursing in Scottish and hasn't yawned in like, 5 minutes. I hope he makes it. Each of us have about 1000 HKD. Not much for serious shopping, I think, but we haven't had the greatest of luck with ATM's, being only successful at getting cash 1 in 8 times. That really sucks and puts a damper on things but we are Mong Kok warriors by now, we can do this. Armed with what is the equivalent of $100 USD each, we head out and learn to haggle the Chinese way. Intense. I need to practice so we agree to do just that and this part, we both enjoy immensely, playing Good Cop/Bad Cop to help each other get the price we're after. We don't really know the price we're after, we're just trying to see how low we can get before the vendor caves, sulks or let's us walk away.
3:15 pm - Oh my goodness, I was born to do this. My colleague thinks I'm ruthless but I can see that this is a game you have to play and this is a game they expect you to play. If you don't play, you don't win. I'm going to win... What in the heck can you get for $100 USD. I'm feeling pretty good with my haggling skills but I haven't bought much yet.
3:45 pm - We need to find a bathroom and have a drink. We stop in at McDonald's. McDonald's that shares a building with a couple of rent-by-the-hour wink-wink hotels. Bizarre. I can't stop staring. I stand in the bathroom queue (seeing a theme here??) for like a half hour. I'm a woman, used to it, but by now, I think I might just go outside and squat somewhere. I don't, but I think it would be ok if I chose to do so...4:15 pm - We are freaking exhausted. We simply do not give a shit about shopping any longer. It doesn't matter how many awesome things are waving in our faces. It is awesome, overwhelming, exhausting and freakishly beautiful all at the same time. I see an ATM, withdraw another $100 USD and head back to the first lady I haggled down so much she let me leave. But not before agreeing to my price. I just didn't have enough money at the time to buy the goods and still have train money to go home. I knew: going home was key. LOL! Success! I get the cash and head back to Loud Ling. I know I've got the best deal to be had because she sees me, quietly ushers me all the way to the back and very secretively takes my money and fills the bags with the goods so none of her other customers catch wind of our deal. Only when I get home later do I realize just how ruthless I had been and what an unimaginable deal I just walked away with.
5:00 pm - We are toast. We are actually burnt toast. We are so done. Amazingly skilled by now at knowing where we need to go in these crowded, festive, shopping laden streets, we head back towards our train station. We are so good at this, we decide to take a different train back because it's faster, more direct than the route we took before and because, we are standing right in front of the closest station. Our packages are heavy. My friend is so pooped out, he didn't buy a single thing, but he's being a gentleman and helping me carry my loot. It's small, but, surprisingly heavy. My brothers are going to keel over when they see what I got for them. I'm still in shock.
5:15 pm - We are both so tired on the train back that we are dozing in and out, completely oblivious to anyone and anything around us. We have first class seats, it's air conditioned and we know we have about 40 minutes to forget where the hell we are and the endless queues that await us for the journey back across the freaking shared border that is so not shared between mainland China and Hong Kong.
5:45 pm - Queue the queue. I think we both sag as we see the queues again. It's like a flashback. Not the good kind. I shiver. He groans. We look at each other and kinda chuckle. What are you gonna do? We WILL GET HOME. We put on brave faces. I look for a butt to pinch...6:30 pm - Well, not too bad. 45 minutes beats the HELL out of 4 hours... We just made the early rush. Hoards of people push in just as we leave and we both sigh... Only a few more train connections, easy ones, now that we are in Shenzhen. Home territory. We got this. Piece of cake.... We press into the train, body to body to body with so many bodies that if I laugh, I might eat someone's hair, that is how close I am to everyone. Smashed in like sardines, holding onto nothing just using body pressure to stay inside the train. 4 stops, 2 more connections. We can both feel it. We are almost home...
7:00 pm - The Walking Dead. We have made it back to Zhu Zi Lin, our home station near the hotel. THANK FREAKING GOD WE SURVIVED FAKE HONG KONG. My colleague and I just agree that for all intents and purposes, we will just lie at the office and tell everyone we had an awesome time in Hong Kong, highly recommend it, no need to have breakfast, just eat in Hong Kong... LOL! Facetious little creatures. But we are tired and really, if no one would tell you that you weren't in Hong Kong but in Mong Kok, you would never know. The shopping is a lot more affordable and we had gotten this tip from the concierge just prior to our departure which is why we actually departed from the plan. Cheap is good.
7:10 pm - I have showered and am ready for bed and go online to check prices of what I've just bought. This girl has done well, Grasshopper.... Very very well.
8:00 pm - HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MY BELOVED!!!! It's our 12th wedding anniversary today for me, but for you, it won't be until tomorrow. It's been the longest day of my existence today and I feel like I haven't been so tired and beat down since our trip through the Italian Alps but I can say that for sure, like that 24 hours, it won't be a day I will ever forget. Can't wait to do this heinous "once in a lifetime experience" with you! Hopefully, I will be a frequent traveler then and can use the e-Channel to make this more enjoyable. And if not, sorry love, you are on your own! :)
Happy anniversary you two!
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